Loved and Prophetic Thoughts

Day 4 of the 21 Day Blog Challenge :)

The following are two paragraphs I wrote on the plane ride to Africa for the first time. I was so excited, nervous, and in awe of how far God had already taken me and I hadn't even touched African soil. Little did I know how much more He had in store for me on that trip and in the future, but interestingly enough when you read the second paragraph... maybe I did...

September 13, 2007

I'm getting emotional again as I write- I just can't believe how God has honored my decision. I trusted His promptings & urges and stayed the course with Him. See what has happened? I feel so loved, wanted, and needed, by the Creator of our Universe none the less!

I'm not sure if it means much, but I've had thoughts, again, of myself leading a "needy" ministry of education, like Christy Merrill just began doing for Children's Cup in Swaziland. Huh? This trip started as a small vision and tug too...

Things are coming full circle. In regards to the first paragraph, I'm in the same place- learning to be obedient to His promptings and stay the course! See my last post :)

In regards to the second... uhhh... Christy's position is the one I am fundraising to take on with Children's Cup. LOL God is funny. I love how He was warming me up to full-time mission work, even before I did my first short-term trip!

One thing that encourages me is imagining myself on the plane to Swaziland for the big move... I'm sure I'll be thinking some of the same things above- in complete awe of our amazing God. I wonder what prophetic thoughts He might share with me then...

More Scripture Logic

As a continuation of yesterday's post...

Human Logic:
If something is hard, maybe you aren't meant to do it...


God Logic:
I've had a handful of well-meaning folks say this to me, especially in this long fundraising process, but it just isn't fully scripture based. If God tells you to do something, you have to have cling to that- with your fingernails if necessary! Recently that's how I've been describing this latest part of the journey- "hanging on by my fingernails." Something cool that God gave me to combat those those was an emotional connection to many of the Bible heroes and the "crazy" directions they were given by God that went against all "normal" logic.
I started contemplating and put myself in their shoes a bit and realized that they couldn't have felt much different than me right now... confident/yet confused, full of faith/but facing doubt, hopeful/yet afraid... yes, you really can feel them all at one time! So some heroes struggles to consider:

- Abraham walking up to sacrifice Issac... He knew this is what God told Him to do, but surely it couldn't have made sense to sacrifice His long-awaited blessing. He had to have been "chomping at the bit" for God to make a move... He did, but it wasn't until the last minute!!

- Ruth made a decision to be faithful to Naomi even though she had every opportunity to turn-tail and run back to her homeland- her comfort zone. She knew what she was to do and she stuck it out though at times I'm sure it was a long, lonely and awkward road. In the end, God totally blesses her faithfulness. She had to trust that the prompting to go was the right thing and hold on to that during those difficult times of trying to acclimate to being a widow, a new culture, new home, and working for scraps in the fields too!

- There is of course Noah... I wonder if he ever doubted the building of that arc, especially when all his neighbors were laughing at him...

- Or maybe David as he went to face Goliath. I wonder if he ever though he was crazy himself. Even though all the older and stronger soldiers were too fearful, I wonder if he didn't feel that rise of must-do-it strength because he knew it was time to "put up or shut up" in the faith lane.

There are more, for sure, but I'll stop there... Here is what the scriptures told me about this way back in 2007 when I first journaled on the Human Logic vs. God Logic...

Micah 7:7 But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.

Habakkuk 3:17-18 Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.

Ecclesiastes 3:9-14 What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who^a]"> have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

Romans 5:3-5 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Logic War

One of the big entries in my Africa journal was written as I was still attempting to make sense of actually going. I knew in my spiritual gut that I was supposed to go, but convincing my mind was harder. So, in my anal way, I created a chart of Human Logic vs. God Logic and then typed it all up! Nerdy- I know :)

So, I thought I'd share with you some of those thoughts that struck me today, because I find myself struggling with this even now- two years into fundraising.

HUMAN LOGIC:

We must take control to MAKE things happen in our favor.
The responsibility falls on me to make this happen. If it is not happening, it is my fault.

GOD LOGIC:
He is in control, not me. He expects me to be obedient to His promptings, but He can and will do the work. Learning to not run around like a chicken with my head cut off is difficult, especially when such a big task has been placed before me AND when that task's completion seems so impossible there is even more pressure. Renewing my mind is so important. This is the way I remind myself of HIS POWER. He is Yahweh!!! With that means I must always make sure that God is on His throne in my heart and I've given Him ALL control. Alone we fail, but with God we will succeed. An important lesson I've learned in this process is that backing off is necessary to allow God the room He needs to make a miracle happen and makes room for me to stretch into the woman He has called me to be. Even at this very minute, I do still find it a huge challenge to balance my move and God's move... It is hard to know how much to do, without making a mess of things (so to speak). I trust that God will take into consideration my ignorance on the matter and will make it really clear when he wants me to "jump" and I'm doing my best to be ready to ask "how high" when He does.


Psalm 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight

Ephesians 3:20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,

Micah 2:13 Then I, God, will burst all confinements and lead them out into the open. They'll follow their King. I will be out in front leading them.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Romans 12:1 So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering

Isaiah 11:19 If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the good things of the land;

Psalm 145:15-17 The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing. The LORD is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does.

Romans 11:36 For from him and through him and for him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.

Micah 3:8 But as for me, I am filled with power, with the Spirit of the LORD


Pressing On...

Fresh Start: 21 Day Blog Challenge

Catching you up:
My heart and mind are so on Africa right now. God's been stirring me up to make a bigger push toward this calling. I've been struggling with time management though in pursuing these stirrings. You see, even though I've been teaching for 10 years, this is probably my hardest year yet. This is my first year in the primary first grade. Let me tell you that first grade is drastically different from the third and fourth grade classes I've taught for the last decade. Teaching already is a time monopolizer, but with so many changes and a huge learning curve, it has been even more demanding. With that noted, little time is left to relax or pursue other passions like Africa. Currently I am praying that God would open up avenues of time and increase my time management so that I can devote much more of my time to my Africa dream pursuit. I'm also asking Him what I should be learning from this balancing struggle that He has given me...

Don't be confused though, my Africa preparation isn't on hold- I just wish I could devote MORE time to it, God is still pushing me, growing me, stretching me, changing me, and financially providing! WOO HOO- keep praying for all of that to continue, please!

One great things that God has placed before me recently is to step down from some church responsibilities to create space in my time to take a 15-week college level course on Missions created by the U.S. Center for World Missions and being held at a different church called Christian Family Chapel. This course, called Perspectives, is reshaping how I see missions and God's heart for missions. Above all else, God desires that His glory and name would be spread to ALL the nations and that is what missions is all about- making God famous, taking my little candle of God's glory that I carry with me and spreading it to one more and one more and one more...
This class has an intense amount of in-depth articles by theologians and each week we have a different speaker somehow involved with missions! One of the coolest things about this opportunity is to be around other missionaries and missions-minded individuals! It just fires me up to talk to them and just be around them EVERY week!! It is also cool to witness at Christian Family Chapel, how I feel, God intended the church to fully support their missionaries- financially, spiritually, and publicly.

Currently:
I've recently decided to revisit some of my old journals, particularly the ones from my trips to Swaziland. My hope is to reconnect with my love for Swaziland, but also to see the journey from a different perspective- looking back! How often do you do that? Stop and look back at where God has taken you? I love doing it, it changes your perspective. You begin to feel stronger, you build confidence in Him by seeing- "Ohhhhh, (high-pitched light bulb "oh") God you really were there and you really do have a big picture at work here..." and it excites you for the future!!! What is God going to do now, what's next????

The fresh start:
I am challenging myself to blog for 21 days straight and share with anyone who wants to hear tidbits from those journals and about my current experiences as a fundraising-soon-to-be-full-time-missionary. I guess I picked 21 days because that is a nice round "church number"- you know, with the 21 day fast... but this is actually like a fast because I promise you- between work and a college-level class- I will have to make sacrifices to connect with God and you through this blog every day. I might fall short, but I'm promising to do my best.

So, I hope you will join me and follow me as I look back, examine now, and dream for the future!

Africa or bust!! <3

Fully Pursuaded

I'm writing, because I want to. Not because I know what I want to say...

I was reminded of an awesome verse today, Romans 4:18-21 (above). I am definitely in a new season as of very recently, a season of believing, really believing, taking God at His word, asking, and trusting. Even if there is no hope to be seen, let me be fully persuaded, and not waiver because of the "facts." God's truth outweighs the facts of life EVERY time! This is also a season of fine-tuning me. A big part of that is changing my path some- where I invest my time and energy- and becoming more disciplined in all I do.

I feel ready, ready for Africa, ready for God to use me for His glory in a scope beyond my imagination. I feel called to bring peace and restoration through His Spirit, emotional healing, hope. I can't explain it, but I know that God wants me to be a vessel that shines His glory around and spread it like wildfire and I know that He wants to do it in a great and ridiculous way. This boxed in life, isn't going to cut it. The cookie-cut view of the world and His power, isn't going to work either. All around me, most all of us, underestimate God because we don't fully believe and we don't intimately know the Holy Spirit. I don't want to be normal, I want to make God gasp with pride, tear with joy, melt with love for me. I know I will as I am FULLY obedient to all He has dreamed for me. Yes, God has a dream for me. He formed it when He knit me together in my mother's womb. (Ps 139:13) (He has one for you too, ask Him about it!)

So, believing... I'm believing right now for $37,458 to be EXACT! That is how much I need (all that's left) to be fully funded for two full years in Swaziland. I decided to stop beating around the bush and ask specifically. Will you ask Him with me? I'm believing God that He has called me, He is the way maker, He will pay the bill... why? because He is a missionary God, seeking for the knowledge of His glory to be spread throughout the world and He is looking for someone to send- I've told Him that He can send me... I've planted seeds for sponsorship and I'm believing they will produce. Other than that I'm done giving God ideas, I've simply asked Him to open Heaven and send to me that which He has already promised me... Who is He that He should lie or change His mind? (1Sam 15:29) He also promises not to make me look like a fool. (Whew!) So, I'm praying for provision and direction, if there are things He wants me to do to seek that provision...

I'm also believing that He will do a miraculous work and I could be there by August! Yes, I'm saying it out loud. Will you pray for timing with me? I can't go until I have my funding... believing, faith, trust...

I don't know if faith is supposed to be easy, but it isn't for me. I've grown up so logical and full of fear. But, all I can do with a dream so big is to lean not on my own understanding but trust in Him. (Proberbs 3:5) Even if I'm at a 48% stalemate, even if I know of 3 missionaries who started after me getting to step on Africa soil before me, even if I have no clue what my next steps should be and I feel like I've run into brick walls, even if rationally raising $66,000 in our crazy US economy and being a missionary is absolutely illogical... I am gonna believe with ALL my heart! If God is for me, who can be against me? (Rom 8:31)

In closing, I'm loving learning about the different Hebrew names of God. One that I have clung to lately is El Chay. El Chay is our living God. God hears, speaks, and acts! You see in the past few months, God has spoken a lot to me. So much teaching and knowledge of who He is, who I am... it has been so personal and so amazing. I also want to give you a glimpse into how I know He hears me... I was driving home the other night and I really wanted to see a deer on the side of 95. I know it is silly, but it is just a cool thing to me, call me cheesy... I was hoping to see one and looking very hard, well I wasn't seeing one... I mean how many times in 10yrs had I driven around Jax and not seen a deer, its not like they are common! LOL Then I realized I hadn't prayed... so I did, asking to see a deer as a reminder that He is with me and I'm on the right path, and... not 5 seconds later I saw a deer on the side of the road who stopped eating and looked right at me. It is etched in my mind, even thought this isn't the first time God has humored me with a deer sighting (It is actually the 10th :) He once again reminded me that He, El Chay, The Living God, is present- is listening- is speaking- and when it is right, He WILL act.

Are you with me?
Let's believe in a God who acts, that His glory will fill the Earth, especially in Africa!

Birthday Blessings???

It is my birthday tomorrow!

Birthday's are a great time to celebrate life! Tomorrow I want to celebrate the amazing call God has placed on my life! It still boggles me that He would choose me to be a missionary in Africa! God's people are so important to Him. He has a big message of freedom, love, and hope to share with His people in Swaziland and He has invited me to help spread it!

So many are already joining in faith with me on this adventure "out of the box!" Your support IS what it is going to take to get there!

All I want for my birthday is to pass 50% and even reach 60%! Can you help me do that? In honor of my birthday, in honor of this call on my life, in honor of all the orphaned children in Swaziland, will you make a new donation to push me even closer?

Please consider a birthday present for me :) which is making a one time gift on Children's Cup's site and designating it to me, Beth Young. I am also in need of many more monthly supporters! Both of these options WILL get me on African soil!

How amazing would it be to move to Africa by August? That means I need all my funding NOW! Can you help me do it?

Good-bye 31 years old and 50%... Hello, 32 and African soil!

My heart beats with thankfulness for all my supporters!!!

November Update