Slow Rollin' But Rollin Non the Less

So, I've passed out or mailed about 75 letters or so. It makes you feel so vulernable when you ask people for money. I find myself constantly wondering what their reaction will be. Right now the reaction is no reaction or questions about where the funding will go exactly. There is a rushing- or controlling- side of me that just wants to know how God is really gonna make this happen because I just don't see. I'm stuck in a human world asking for a supernatural blessing.

I'm constantly reminding myself of two verses- my mantra for this endevor:

Isaiah 41:20 I will set junipers in the wasteland, the fir and the cypress together, so that people may see and know, may consider and understand, that the hand of the Lord has done this, that the Holy One of Isreal has created it.

See, me getting to Africa will require the supernatural hand of God to move in my life and in the hearts of those that hear my story and the story of these African children. I am confident that I can do NOTHING that will push this dream ahead or bear fruit in its pursuit. I am already praising God for what HE WILL DO. I believe that when this happens all will have to give credit to God, because they will see how 'crazy' and abnormal = supernatural the events that lead to me stepping foot on African soil are. He is planting beautiful things where the world says they don't belong. Watering the garden and allowing the seeds He plants to grow is my role; a role that is taking more patience than I wonder I have...

Isaiah 14:24 Surely, as I have planned, so it WILL be; and as I have purposed, so it WILL happen.

I think this is pretty straight forward. If God wants me in Africa and I'm taking one step at a time to get there (not just hiding under a rock waiting for God to just hand it all too me), one step at a time INTO the promised land; then God's will WILL be done. I will get to that promised land, not for my glory, but for His. Those children in Africa mean SO much to Him. He's going to do what it takes to bring them love and I feel like He has called me to be a vessel. We can't fight God, no one can change what he has planned.

I also think on this when I think of supporters, God will use whomever He wants and if one says no to this vision, then He will find another in his stead, because as He has planned so it will be.

The bottom line- there is a lot for me to figure out (I don't have a clue, what I'm doing, how I'm gonna get to the financial goal, where every cent of my money is going to go, where my cats are going to live, what to do about car or my debt, how lonely I'm going to be, how I'll adjust, will I form fruitful relationships and touch lives (aka- will they like me), will I be safe, will big bugs crawl on me in the middle of the night (yes, I worry about this!), what if, what if, what if... )
BUT my heart bursts painfully for the people of Africa- especially the children and God has given me a gift, a gift to love them unconditionally and a gift to teach, to teach their teachers. I know God can use me. I want more than anything to be used by Him. If I'm a that vessel He wants to use and I'm willing, I know He will do it...